Where's your worth?

Self is defined as your consciousness of your own identity. Worth is defined as the quality that renders something desirable or valuable or useful. 

Therefore, self worth would be how you value yourself. 

So, my question is, "Where do you find your self worth?". 

I have grown up in Aberdeen, MS my whole life. My family has a specific pew at church and we have our "assigned" seats. I am known in that town. Whether it be by my last name, school, or something else I've done in the town or at school. People know me. 

I have an amazing family that loves me dearly. We're not the best at always saying it, but I know it's true. When I'm gone for the summer I am bombarded with mail from my family and friends. When I've been hurt, I know exactly who in my family is going to give me the pep talk (or go off on someone) that I need. When I've had to be rushed to the hospital, family members were there before I was. Case in point: my family loves me. 

Then there are my friends. Friends who have planned surprise parties for me. "Decorated" my car. Helped me get over boys. Taught me things. Acted a complete fool with me. Sent me more mail that I could have ever dreamed. Made me things. Listened to my terrible day. Bought me flowers. Taken picture, after picture, after picture, after picture with me. Needless to say, there are people outside of the Mattox Clan who love me. 

So what's my problem you say?

I find my value, my self worth, in other people. Looking back, I think I always have. When I am around people, when I walk into a place and I'm greeted by name, when I have plans for the weekend, when I have visitors and people coming to me for help or advice...that's when I feel useful. The only problem with that is, people let you down. There's no doubt about it. It WILL happen. It doesn't matter how long you've known them or how close you are with them. It's inevitable. In that case, I've been hurt...a lot. I put so much emphasis on other people's opinion of me, that I've forgotten who I am. 

So who am I?

I am a daughter, sister, roommate, friend, teacher, the epileptic, the should you cry on, the one who always has room for you, the listener, the photographer, the scrapbooker, the good girl, the traveler, the goofy one, but most importantly, I am a child of the Most High God, the Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and Omega. That, dear friends, is where I should be finding my self worth. Because He will NEVER let me down. Some days I wonder how in the world the Perfect One could ever love me like that? I sure don't deserve it. He does though. 

I know all the verses, all the promises...in my head. How do I get that to correlate to my heart? 

How do I turn finding my self worth from people and circumstances to my Risen Savior? 

I praise God for revealing these things to me. That's what I get when I ask Him to reveal any idols in my life, right? Ha. Now, I'm not one to just pour my heart out on my blog like this. I usually just tell about what I've been doing. However, for some reason, I felt like I should share this. It was hard, don't get me wrong. This whole lesson I'm learning is hard, but I know some life changing lesson will be learned when it's all said and done. 

I lift my eyes to the mountains where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber, indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, not the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. 

Psalm 121

To God be the Glory. 

I've got a golden ticket(s)

At Puckett, we take part of PBIS (Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports). All the teachers have tickets to give to students exhibiting good behavior. The students can then take their tickets and cash them in for something at the Ticket Store or save them up to receive a special prize. I.E. lunch from the only restaurant in town, sit with your friends at lunch, extra recess, things of that nature. 

Now, all the teachers also have the coveted Golden Tickets. These tickets are given to a class as a whole. A teacher can only give golden tickets to another class. So far, I have 2 in my room from our principal! The librarian and the counselor are also giving us one, too. The third graders are on fire! We are the example for PBIS. 

It's amazing that I'm not having to "threaten" like I used to. I only need to warn, take a recess or two, and that's it. It's like a different breed of kids here. They are respectful, they mind, I hear "please" and "thank you". When we go to recess, I have several kids in my class that immediately go to pick up garbage. No one told them to, they just went. It's plumb amazing. 

Have you heard of the book, Jesus Calling by SarahYoung? It's a fantastic little devotional book that reads as though Jesus is talking to you. I love it! I found a children's version of that devotional and was so excited. So in the mornings, after the pledge and announcements, I sit at my desk and read the passage out loud. I don't make them listen to me or call it a lesson. It's just me reading out loud at my desk. I love doing that and even though I could technically get in trouble for it, I really don't care. All they can do is tell me to stop. In which case, I will, and tag it to the leader of the day's job! ;) I'm hoping that I can do more than just read it to them at some point. 

I will survive

Well, I have officially made it through my first week of teaching 3rd grade at Puckett Elementary! It sure does feel good to say that.
My classroom is continuously changing, but that's okay. I am just testing different things out to see what I like best. :) 
I have 19 kids and I am steadily getting to know them. They are all so unique and precious. I feel like I am under a lot of pressure this year, though. This group of kids aren't really where they should be, so we've got a lot of work to do this year. I know they can handle it, I just want to make sure I'm doing what I should be for them. They deserve a good education. 
This week, I haven't been home before 6:30 any night. So, today, it caught up with me and I have been a bum all day. 5 am comes WAY too early and I just haven't gotten used to it yet. 

As far as life in Brandon...I'm getting adjusted. It's weird having Target and Hobby Lobby and Old Navy right at my beck and call. It's really not good for my wallet! I am trying to get to know some other people, but it's just so hard! That's something that doesn't get easier as you get older. If anything, it gets harder. 
I went to Pinelake last Sunday. I went there when I was in Starkville, too. I just love the way worship is done there and the pastor definitely preaches the Word. It's just so BIG! I was apprehensive of going there because I didn't want to be "just another number". I went to a Connect event that Sunday night, too. It was slightly awkward, but thankfully, I met a girl that morning through a mutual friend and we were able to go together. We chose a small group and we all went out to eat that night. I think it's going to be really good. We are meeting this Sunday night and we're going through James. I'm ready to get to know some other people and talk about the Word. 
God is teaching and revealing a lot of things to me. I'm so thankful I have a best friend I can call and complain/whine/cry/vent to on the phone and she makes it all okay. Thanks, Amy. I'm also blessed to be living with a couple of solid, Godly women whom I can confide in, too. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. 
Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.