Hmm....did I just mess up my blog??

....

UGH!!

I mean really? What's the point anymore?

I tried. I tried again. I fail more and more.

When will I get a break? When will this rain cloud that has been hovering over me leave?

Where is my time? my happiness?

I feel like that girl "Does anybody hear her" from Casting Crowns song. Well, do you? Do you hear me? Do you see me hurt? Do you even care? IS ANYBODY LISTENING?

Overwhelmed...

So I really don't know why I even have this blog. For one, I hardly ever update it, also, it seems as though no one reads it. Correction, no one reads it period.

Big girl school is in full swing. I love State. It's pretty overwhelming though.

So this summer was amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world, I am so glad I did it. However, one downfall of it is that since I'm not Baptist, I didn't get the "honorarium" check that everyone else got. Throughout the whole process I just kept telling myself, "God has it under control, Claire. Don't worry about it." And I didn't....until now. I still can't find a job, and everyone everywhere wants money for something from me. It's hard to stay above water. I just don't know what to do. I hate having to run to my parents every week needing money, which sadly, is what I have had to do every week. I just knew God would open a door for me in Starkville, but I haven't found it yet. Everyone says "Don't worry about it." I can't help but to worry about it.

I just feel lost right now. Everyone else seems to have it all together. Why am I such a mess? I miss the easy life of ICC. I miss being known and knowing people. I miss my teachers really caring about me. I miss the BSU and everyone that is still there.

I am trying to keep the bigger picture in mind. I'm trying to find God in all of this. I know this isn't the worse that could happen. And I'm sure if you are reading this you're just thinking I'm overreacting and maybe I am, but it's just how I'm feeling right now.