Eye Opener

On Facebook/Twitter the other day, my status was simply one word: Defeated. 

I felt the very essence of the word in just about every area of my life.

It was like I was just learning how to keep my head above water and keep a smile on my face. Then the gate was raised and the waters came flooding in.

I could only come up with that one word. 

You've been there before, right? 

Yes, of course you have. At least, I hope so.

I received several texts that night and the following morning from concerned loved ones. I didn't reply. I had nothing to say. I mean, you can't type tears, can you?

This morning, I woke up. 

Period. 

I woke up. 

It hit me. God loves me enough to wake me up. 

He loves me enough to show me this sky.

He kept me safe while driving and taking this picture...

I was able to praise my God the entire 20 minute drive to school. When I got there, it's like my troubles were just staring me down. Ready to knock me down again.

Doesn't seem very inviting, does it?

Instead, when I got to my room, I decided it was time to be kind and loving. I may be in turmoil, but that doesn't mean I should take it out on my wonderful students. 

So I wrote a "Happy Friday" Post-It to each child using their unofficial nicknames I've given them. I stuck them inside their desk so that it would be a surprise when they lifted them open. 

They were tickled to have a note! From their teacher! With their nicknames!

Undoubtedly, someone did something foolish to slowly start bringing me down off my high.

And Friday means test day, so as I was grading, that really brought me down. 

Teachers, you know what I mean.

As teachers do, we vent to each other. So I was in my cohort's room laughing...because at this point if you're not laughing, you're crying.

One of her kids starts saying something about someone coming in. I turn and see our custodian, Mrs. "ZZ". She walks in carrying......

And as women do, we want to know if it's from a "secret admirer". (Those were her words, not mine.)

I open the card and it says, "Find your bright spot. Love, Moma"

I almost started crying right then.

Do Momas know you the best or what? 

My small group has started a new study called "The Search For Significance" by Robert McGee. It talks about Satan's lies vs. God's Truths and how to apply it to your life. At one point, it talks about the "performance lie" and asks you to think about your parents and if they've ever set some standard for you by which you must meet to feel significant. 

I thought about that for a while. 

And I found my answer....want to hear it?

My parents have never set a standard for me to meet to earn their love. They simply love me. 

Point blank.

They do anything and everything in their power to help me succeed in life. 

I needed a job in high school. Daddy talked to someone to get me my first job.

I was swamped at school, so Moma makes all my spelling tests for me each week.

I wanted carpet squares for my kids to sit and read on. Daddy found carpet and got the boys to cut it up for me. 

I have moved at least 5 times so far. Moma and Daddy (plus the rest of my amazing family) have been there to help pack, ship, and unpack every time. 

Now, I could go on and on about how my parents have helped me in life. 

However, the biggest way that they have helped me, which I am just now realizing, is how to love. 

Unconditionally.

My parents and I have had our moments of anger, sadness, and hurt. But they have never, in 24 years, made me feel inferior, unwanted, or defeated. 

In other words, they've shown me how my Heavenly Father loves me. 

It's a hard concept to grasp, but I get it now.  

My parents have seen me at my worst, lowest, ugliest stages of life. And yet they look at me and see their baby girl. Loved. Cherished. Their's. 

Now, my parents, like any humans, are limited on love capacity. However, my God is not limited. So, to think of how much my parents love me and all the things they do/have done for me, I try to think of how much my God loves me. How much He is doing/has done for me. 

It blows my mind, brings tears to my eyes, and joy to my heart. 

Momma and Daddy, I don't tell you enough, but thank you for being my parents. 

I love you.

Love, Baby Claire