Hmm....did I just mess up my blog??

....

UGH!!

I mean really? What's the point anymore?

I tried. I tried again. I fail more and more.

When will I get a break? When will this rain cloud that has been hovering over me leave?

Where is my time? my happiness?

I feel like that girl "Does anybody hear her" from Casting Crowns song. Well, do you? Do you hear me? Do you see me hurt? Do you even care? IS ANYBODY LISTENING?

Overwhelmed...

So I really don't know why I even have this blog. For one, I hardly ever update it, also, it seems as though no one reads it. Correction, no one reads it period.

Big girl school is in full swing. I love State. It's pretty overwhelming though.

So this summer was amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world, I am so glad I did it. However, one downfall of it is that since I'm not Baptist, I didn't get the "honorarium" check that everyone else got. Throughout the whole process I just kept telling myself, "God has it under control, Claire. Don't worry about it." And I didn't....until now. I still can't find a job, and everyone everywhere wants money for something from me. It's hard to stay above water. I just don't know what to do. I hate having to run to my parents every week needing money, which sadly, is what I have had to do every week. I just knew God would open a door for me in Starkville, but I haven't found it yet. Everyone says "Don't worry about it." I can't help but to worry about it.

I just feel lost right now. Everyone else seems to have it all together. Why am I such a mess? I miss the easy life of ICC. I miss being known and knowing people. I miss my teachers really caring about me. I miss the BSU and everyone that is still there.

I am trying to keep the bigger picture in mind. I'm trying to find God in all of this. I know this isn't the worse that could happen. And I'm sure if you are reading this you're just thinking I'm overreacting and maybe I am, but it's just how I'm feeling right now.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

I am so embarassed by how little I have written in this blog.

Well, to recap the summer...it was hard, intense, amazing, the best experience of my life. My 5 other teammates and now my brothers and sisters and I miss them dearly. We laughed, we cried, we argued, we worked things out. We got so close, it's not even funny. God taught me SO much in such a short amount of time. My eyes have been opened to many new things. Who knows what He has in store for me next summer.......to be continued I guess.

I've heard it from other missionaries that it was really hard to come home, but I didn't know for sure how it was going to be. For one it was hard to leave Nevada, but I was so excited to get home and see my family. The next few days after my return, all I wanted to do was be back in the desert. It's a strange feeling. I felt like I was so useless at home. And let me tell you, the devil was at work in me. I kept getting down on myself because of other people and would mope to others. I didn't like, still don't. But I'm keeping busy and as one friend tells me, "You're about to be lost in a sea of 18,000 new people. Be excited. You're going to make so many new friends it will be insane." So I'm keeping that in mind, and I get excited again, and also pretty scared!

As I write this, I am sitting in my room in my apartment. This has been so much fun. Moving in, decorating, and being "grown up". Classes start Monday, kinda nervous about that, but I'm sure all will go well.

Pahrump

So this week has been really busy! We had Boomerang Express VBS at one church from 9-12. Then we had Club VBS at another church from 1-3. Then we had youth VBS at the first church from 6-9. It was insane, but soooo much fun! We've learned new games and met so many new people.
Tonight, the third, we went to the park and watched the fireworks. Not real sure why Pahrump celebrates the 4th of July on the 3rd, but oh well...it was fun!
Next week all 6 of us are going to be staying in one house...the same house us girls have been in this week. The family is great. They cut up with us and everything. So, we'll be staying in Pahrump again, but working with a different church. Guess what we're doing? Boomerang Express...yay...:/ haha. I'm sure it'll be great. At night us 6 are splitting up and 3 of us are going back to the church to do youth and the other 3 will be going to a Spanish church. No, I'm not going to Spanish church. My Spanish consists of putting an "o" on the end of words. The door-o. Can I have a drink-o? See, not that good at it...
It's been a month since I've seen my house and my family. It's been hard at times, but for the most part, I'm doing fine. I can't wait to see everyone again in another month though. I have mixed emotions about our time. In one case it's like Dang, I've been out here for a whole month! But in another case, it's like Dang, it's only been a month. I want it to end, but then again, I don't. It's going to be hard to leave here and leave my team.
Happy Fourth of July! So thankful to be living in a country that I can freely and openly worship my God. So proud of all the men and women who risk their lives for my freedom. Praise God for them!
Love yall!!

God of this city

So we're back in Vegas. We are helping with Grace Baptist Church. This week we've mostly been doing work at their office. It's been fun though. It's just me and two other of my teammates, Joy and Mamie. Erika, Robert, and John are at a different church doing VBS. We're staying with the youth minister, his wife, and their 3 kids. They are so much fun. Tonight, they took us up to Sunrise Mountain. We got out and walked ontop of it a little bit. We got to see all of Vegas. It was purely amazing. He told us that 19 out of 20 people in Vegas are not saved. However, the Chris Tomlin song "God of this City" kept playing in my head. Even though more than 90% of the Vegas population does not know or believe in God, He still loves them.



"You're the God of this city. You're the King of these people. You're the Lord of this nation. You are."





Now for a few pictures....

This was our first day in Vegas. Just some of my teammates. Mamie, Joy, Robert.

Ahmeen. He is from Iraq. Ask him a question his answer was always "Yup."

Saroach. We played with the ball and paddle everyday!

These are some of the kids at the other apartment complex...

Ready for Boomerang Express VBS in Pioche!

We hiked up this mountain and sat around by the cross. We got to look out over all of Pioche and all the mountains. It was simply amazing.

Pioche

Well, we finished the VBS with the refugees. It was really hard to say goodbye to them. But I know that we planted the seeds that the association will help grow in them.
We got to Pioche, NV Thursday. Talk about a rural town. It took us at least 4 hours to get here from Vegas. It's only about 30 minutes from Utah though. I mean, this town makes Aberdeen look like Tupelo!
It's just us girls here and they've separated us. We're each staying with a different family. I'm staying with a couple that has 4 kids. The oldest one is in college, so she won't be there. Our house is in Caliente which is about 30 minutes from Pioche.
We start Monday doing VBS at Berean Baptist Church. I'm excited to get that started. Since Thursday we've really just been hanging out, doing a little sightseeing. We went to a big gorge Friday. Yesterday we decorated the church for VBS. Today we went to church and some of the ladies took me and Mamie to see some charcoal ovens. It's hard to explain, but they were huge! I have pictures I'll post later.
Well, we're about to eat supper. So I'll post again later. Love you!